i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
