I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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