No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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