Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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