Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
