I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
