will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
