Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
