Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
