wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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