I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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