OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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