Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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