I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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