Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
