This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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