John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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