part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
