Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
