There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
