Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
