batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
