I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm both gender and math confused
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
