Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
