omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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