I'm really into asian looking animals
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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