I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
