so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize