Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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