The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
