we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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