So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
