A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
