Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
wanna go halves on a baby?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
