Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
