your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
