I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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