brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
