how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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