he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize