everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize