i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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