It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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