We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
