They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
