where's my purse there's an important taco in it
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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