that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
