I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
