Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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