i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize