He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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