Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My ATM looks so different sober.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We talked him into tasing himself.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
