just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
