omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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