I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
