Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
