the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I got inside last night via doggy door
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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