He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
