My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
