i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize