Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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