i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
