I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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