Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
