Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
