apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
